My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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