just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize