Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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