opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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