i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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