Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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