Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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