oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So squirting runs in the family.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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