hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize