Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
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The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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