my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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