I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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