i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
where are you?
Hypothermia
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
