I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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