Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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