does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize