Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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