I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
