did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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