Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
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told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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