she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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