I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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