Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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