someone owes me an orgasm
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize