He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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