I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
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Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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