I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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