Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I could fuck to npr.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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