why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize