Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize