My balls are so social today.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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