just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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