the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize