I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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