My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Never underestimate the power of titties
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