Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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