He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize