Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
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Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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