put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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