Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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