you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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