you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
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I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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