i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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