You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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