My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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