I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize