I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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