clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize