i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize