literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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